THIS IS THE YEAR OF OUR LORD TWO THOUSAND AND FOURTEEN AND YET THERE IS STILL NOT AN ALGORITHM FOR TUMBLR TO FIGURE OUT THAT I DON’T WANT TO FOLLOW A BLOG WHOSE ICON OR URL IS ONE OF MY NOTPS

HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE

sometimes I remember that there are angels and demons around and they can see me and I get really self-conscious

Work just called and they want me for two whole weeks next month. This is fantastic. It’s also kind of horrible.

  • I get money! Lots of it!
  • it’s a physically demanding job. Doing it for an hour or even a single day isn’t too bad but day after day and it becomes just terrible. (I worked two days in a row two weeks ago and my leg is still bothering me)
  • I can switch banks! There’ll be ample time to open a new account and get checks and set up my direct deposit
  • I might not be able to switch banks because I’m covering while my boss is out and the guy under her is not so great
  • they might finally train me on 90s if I’m gonna be working every day which means sitting down at least sometimes
  • my work e-mail might finally be set up!
  • I have no idea how I’ll go to WW during this
  • I have no idea how I’ll manage food during this
  • while no one will expect me to do dishes on days I work, the alternatives are no dishes being done or the dishes being done wrong
  • I get paid for Memorial Day. Not the full amount, they’ll never let me work full time even though I’m covering for a full time employee, but something.
  • I might buy Thor 2 if I feel comfortable with how much money I have after this. I probably won’t, I’m extremely frugal, but if it becomes too difficult to work day after day, I’ll promise it to myself as incentive to not die.

if your child is misbehaving, even if they’re not hurting anything, I’d rather you discipline them, tell them to knock it off even if they’re gonna throw a fit

I’ll take a screaming child in my office any day over the one who’s allowed to dance around me while I’m trying to do my job

NO

BUT GUYS

DON’T YOU SEE

THE UNIVERSE IS ALIGNING

THE TV SHOWS ARE COMING TOGETHER

BECAUSE THIS WEEK JAFAR REWRITES THE LAWS OF MAGIC

SO ALL THE HORRIBLE SHIT NEEDS TO HAPPEN RIGHT NOW

BEFORE HE’S STOPPED

SO THAT THE WRITERS CAN GET THEIR CRAPPY TWISTS OUT OF THE WAY

BUT WE STILL GET HAPPINESS

MAYBE WE WON’T SEE ALLISON OR NEAL OR THE MOTHER COME BACK FROM THE DEAD

BUT WE’LL ALL KNOW IT HAPPENED

Imagine Loki, sitting on the throne of Asgard, watching Sif arrive on Earth. He’s all excited for the epic girl fight he’s just set up, and then who should appear but Phil Freaking Coulson.

So what should have been an enjoyable day watching Sif kick ass, becomes a day spent obsessing over such serious problems as:

  • if you dramatically murder a man and he lives, how bad is that for your villain street cred?
  • does Thor know?
  • (thank not-Odin, Thor doesn’t know)
  • do the other Avengers?
  • have they been laughing behind his back this whole time?
  • [flashback to “real power” conversation with Fury]
  • what is Nick Fury’s definition of “real power”?
  • how is he even alive?

and then. The ultimate realization, the greatest blow of them all:

  • Loki is unoriginal

And now it grates at him. He starts watching Phil all the time. (There’s not even a scar!) And he starts to get really annoyed because not only is he unoriginal, but he’s not even doing it as well as Phil Coulson is.

Here is Loki, sitting on the throne of Asgard, wearing Odin’s face, trying to figure out how drastically he can alter the royal guard uniforms before it becomes obvious that he’s ogling Sif; while Phil Coulson gets to wear his own face and live on a plane with beautiful young people.

Up is down! Black is white! The universe is in chaos!

And while Loki would generally enjoy that sort of thing, this isn’t benefiting him any.

bad idea: trying to find the specific name for a piece of surgical equipment while eating lunch

Can we all appreciate that there are agents at SHIELD whose entire specialty is superhero wear?

They keep them all in an underground bunker in an undisclosed location. Not because they’re a big liability, but because it’s like Project Runway down there. Only cattier.

And if Loki had stayed around much longer they’d have dumped his ass down there to torture answers out of him.

The designers would critique his fashion choices. (“Fashion! You can’t call something like that fashion! It looks like it crawled out of a swamp and is slowly eating him alive.” “You have to give him points for drama though. It just screams ‘I’ve come to rule you.’” “Yeah, he has.”)

And they’d set up a little booth next to the Cage to have their “confessions” and Loki would just sit there, listening to their inane little problems and questioning his choices. Why did he want to rule these people again?

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what

do you mean

teen wolf isn’t available on demand yet?

DO YOU UNDERSTAND HOW IMPORTANT THIS IS TO ME?

I SPENT ALL DAY AT WORK DREAMING ABOUT THIS!

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